Necro

...

2012-02-10T00:21:00.001-08:00

Just so you know I am crushed to tears by your words . But you have every rights in this world to say those , if it's not true what you felt , why'd you say that right ? So I must've done something wrong to trigger your emotions that way . But let me give you my fair share of words .
Tell me , did I not need you during my rough patches at times when I was in a relationship with your brother . Tell me did I not need you when I broke up with him . Tell me did I not need that heart to heart talk , walking a whole circle of jurong west in the middle of the night with you when I was heart broken . Tell me did I still did not need you after I broke every ties with my ex . I could choose faque or predicx or anyone else , I could even choose to leave everyone related to him if I wanted to but the last person I wanted to break ties with was you . Why , because I see a part of myself in you . I came to you for knowledge of hiphop . I needed you to hear my rhymes out and eagerly wanting you to judge . Your blog was my influence to my posts , you was what I look up to . I still come to you when I've already reached the level I once dreamt of before I knew nuts about hiphop . I needed you when nobody else could understand my thoughts and how my mind works . I thought of you when I'm reading the tao of wu .
I needed you to express whatever I was thinking about because I know no other minds would work the way mine would except for yours . Tell me I never need you when I came telling you the secrets in my heart that I would never imagine telling any other guy . Because I trust that you don't judge . And even if you do you speak truth , you speak of words I need to hear . I met you 5 years ago I needed you when I was inlove , I needed you when I was out of love and moved on and in love with someone else and been played for and heartbroken again , I still needed you for everything else in between back in the days uptil whatever I've been through today and for what I am today was because of 2 person and 1 of them was you .
For who ever asked me what made me who I am today , I told them it was you and what you did for me and how I'm blessed . Yo tell me I've never needed you bro . I need you like I need myself . I needed you to reset my mindset , to make my whole soul stay on the ground . You are my roots that I fall back on when I'm lost and clouded by the mass and it's hypes . If I didnt need you , I don't know where I'd be . if this is not how a person needs someone then tell me how else . You're fuckin around with the idea of friendship that I have with you , you're questioning my priority I put forth in you and that brings me to my lowest self because if I lose you , I lose a big ass part of myself . I won't have anything to fall back on if you take yourself away . I believe you are a man of your words and it frightens me if youre livin it up for real . But if you already prayed for God's guidance , and this is the road that was given to you then you live up to your name , fate .
I've never compared you with others but it burns and shocks me to know that you , a man of real understanding and vision , has compared me to the 'rest' . You have no idea for what I take you for , all my life .
And for that , eventhough you mentioned you're leaving , Im still gonna be here like you've been there for me from the start . Ask yourself why would I try convincing you with this longass post if I didn't need you . Ask yourself and tell me if I've faked the times when I needed you . Peace .

tell me .. do you understand what you feel inside ?

2012-02-02T11:14:00.000-08:00

hello .

i think since trying to talk to you wont help ,
i'll just blog it out for you to read IF you even read my blog .
i know ive said it alot of times that ive had it with whatever
is going on between us . but you're only doing what you're doin
because you know i wont leave . but this time round im tired .
im tired of these secrets that i have to keep .
tired of always trying to figure out what we are .
tired of hiding from people .
tired lying to myself .
tired of confusing myself .
tired of pretending this is ever gonna be real one day .
cos even if you ask yourself , you know we're not just friends .
and i find myself always asking " when is this ever gonna end ? "
for how long are we gonna be this way ? cos i cant keep up anymore .
if you love me as a friend , or whatever you take me for ..
stop all this . ask yourself how you really feel about me and treat
me the way what i am really to you .
atleast ... stop lying to yourself .

Atleast , if we go back to being normal friends
and do what every normal friends do ,
we dont have to hide whenever we see anyone anymore .
we dont have to worry what anyone would say anymore .
we dont have to worry about a thing .
i really hope you seek deep within you and help me out .
cos if trying to tell you wont work , tell me what will .

with love ..
to you and you know its you .

2012-01-11T20:05:00.000-08:00

Went to clementi to meet boon .
It has been so fuckin long since I stepped on to clementi .
What more with having to walk through paths that was still
so fresh in my memory . I was so very surprised I still know the way .
Walking through each places that reminded me off some pasts
almost brought me to tears . But I had no choice .
When I sat down , waiting for boon ,
my heartbeat skipped for every stranger that passed by ,
secretly wishing it was that one significant person .
But nope .. Boon reached , talked for a bit and I had to
walk back through those same places I came from . Ouch .
Heart pain leiiii ~
we were so near yet so fuckin far .
Nonetheless , mango goodstuff was smooth :)

2012-01-05T21:18:00.000-08:00

All that sugarcoated kindness don't work on me nomore .
It's either you find another way to make
me look at you the same way again , or ,
Leave and forget all that we ever had .
Either wayz , I love you but I'm good on my own .

down with the ......... ? ^%& U**( X

2011-12-31T13:33:00.000-08:00

" if one was to hate on you , we got 22 "

they welcomed me enough and now's my time

to not let them down . 2012 , lets get the ball rollin ;)

Welcome 2012

2011-12-30T11:12:00.001-08:00

Peace . I bare witness that Allah exists and He is the most Loving and most forgiving . Why do I say this ? Because I was down with a great misfortune of life recently and I felt like I was pushed to the corner and have no other ways to go but to seek for His guidance . I was in it alone as I was in an awful state with my mum . yes I know it is cliche for one to only return to God when one is faced with crisis . But im only human .
And so I admit to losing , and recapped ways of the prayers because it has been long since I practiced it and first attempt was clumsy but in faith that He would accept my prayers .
Nobody was at home , my mum ran away . And so during my first ever dzuhur prayer , I cried my heart out to Him , asking for forgiveness , to enlighten my heart and soul , to forgive my parents and brother , to accept my prayers , to show me what I'm supposed to do in this hardship I was facing , to rain down rezeki on me and my loved ones , I prayed for God to bless everyone I love . I put all my trust on Him and faith because He doesnt betray his promises to his people . And just a day after , he granted my prayers . He rained down rezeki like I've never realized before . Realistically just enough for me to go through till my pay day comes . And I have to also thank Sherry and Nad for their deeds because they were apart of my granted prayers . Like literally , so much rezeki was brought down to me on one day eventhough I had nothing on me already . Its hard to believe that things DO happen when you have faith , but God is the Almighty and he hears a troubled heart even whispered deep within the core . Therefore , I urge you to all bow to him in despair or happiness because it is we who needs Him to go through this life as how we're supposed to live :)

Allahuakhbar .

2011-12-23T12:28:00.001-08:00

Quiet Dog Bite Hard

how i long to see your physical form

2011-12-18T09:58:00.000-08:00

If i ever fall inlove again , i am gonna fall inlove with

a man who's mind up cruising in the stars ,

knows the meaning of respect ,

and to be true to who his inner side of him is .

A badass but knows how to treat a woman right ,

bring out the best of her and be a leader ,

a king to his queen .

A man who's not afraid of showing her to the world .

A man who's a MAN and not just a boy .....

Don't be a braindead motherfucker . Get your mind going .

2011-12-14T22:54:00.000-08:00

Some would know me as the girl with a different way of thinking and looking at things . I wouldn't say I'm deep , I just like to look into details of the things I think about . And by detail , I mean tiny descriptions not many would even notice in something really simple , sometimes seem illogical . People that dont have this understanding would see it as overthinking and complicating things further .
But that's what you're supposed to do with life . Look up into Life like an encyclopedia , infact , what are written in the thick encyclopedia is only one part of what it could teach oneself about Life ; past , present and future .
But think about what isn't in the encyclopedia ; it isn't even enough to define Life itself .
Life isn't easy , has never been easy , will never be easy nor should it even be easy . Life is limitless .
7 gave us Life , and since that , Life is 8 . When you die , you don't die .. The afterlife is just another journey of another life . So if you think you've had enough of Life , know that you can end 1st phase of life on Earth , but you have to deal with another from scratch right after you end the 1st one . If you can't even deal with the 1st phase and go through it till the natural end , don't even think about soaring through the 2nd phase which is your spiritual afterlife .
God has given us a challenge that He knows we all could surface . And even though we sometimes wish we could end it all , deep down we know we could go a little more further , and that is why we've achieved in living uptil now . Subconsciously , we achieve something every single day just by surviving and living . So you're stronger than you think .
But living . Living isn't Life just by itself .
Never live life for the sake of living . Add colour in your life . Attain Knowledge , Understanding , wisdom , faith , love and happiness . It's a journey of never ending benefits . Think of it as a walk among the maze of Life starting with an empty bottle in your hand .
One who lives life for the sake of living is just trying to find the way out of the maze . And by the end of it , the bottle remains empty . But the one who uses the maze as a point of discovery , he will breeze through the paths slowly , and finds hidden truths and knowledge , treasures along the way which he would keep it in the bottle . And by the end of it , he not only survives the maze (Life) , but he got out of it NOT empty handed .
What im trying to say is , you're living now so might as well make full use of it and collect as many jewelz of Life as you can .

Thinking deep into details can sometimes over empower you . And that's when self wisdom should come .
When your level of thoughts are pushed to the limit , you're bound to get stuck in the hooks which you would find yourself hard to ... let go .. Yes , letting go . And accepting things as they are . Because when you think and analyze , you WILL find truths . Truths which are always hard to swallow .
Knowledge is knowing the informations . But wisdom is accepting and implying .
Quoted from RZA of Wu Tang Clan his book The Tao of Wu page 6 ,
'Allah's truth is within us all , all the time ; a seed waiting for light to help it grow ; wisdom IS the light' ask yourself , has your seed grown ? How tall is it even is ? by that , you will know of how much wisdom you have in you . And I have very little .
Some people find it easy to accept things the way it is . But the true meaning of accepting is to go through the pain FIRST and then smile when you've gotten over it . That at the same time you've attained understanding . That is self wisdom . Compared to ,
' let's not give a fuck about it because life has to go on .'
That , is ignorant . You mentally accept it , but emotionally avoiding it . Wisdom isn't easy to come by . Knowledge is like the ball of light , and wisdom is the ray of aura coming out of the light . It is very faint and delicate and hard to grasp mentally and emotionally . And that is why not many could take wisdom to another level because God can only make you see what He wants you to see .

This is purely from my own opinion because when I read The Tao of Wu , it was a call to me . I hope what I've displayed , is part of your call . Always look at Life in the best way , find a speck of positivity at the very least if you're at the losing end because that is your faith to God.

Peace and blessingz , Sheeq .

2011-12-06T14:35:00.000-08:00

No matter how hard, you better go hard

So hard, if you gonna try and stop me now

I be ruckus to rhythm like the blocks be wild

CANT NOBODY SHAKE MY STRIDE OR BREAK MY PRIDE

Some will soothe the pain through booze and narcotics
I'mma hold my head, stay true to where my heart is

2011-12-06T14:23:00.000-08:00

what ive been workin on lately ! so happy :)

and and im psyched for later !

time to let loooose and have some decent fun !

chiao <3

2011-12-06T14:20:00.000-08:00

love yourself first :)

2011-11-26T22:17:00.001-08:00

Take Care...

No regrets just love

2011-11-19T09:39:00.000-08:00

Funny how months ago , I used to think that I'd
have it all under control . Deep down I knew I was gettin
myself into a big mess . And I remembered blogging
and said 'the drama could come in later'.
And with so much confidence , I thought I wouldn't fall .
I could never have imagined me falling because
I just KNOW it wouldn't happen .And plus I made out plans
to even make sure I was gonna win .
I thought I knew myself . But as days went by ,
I remembered saying to myself 'fuck this couldn't be happening'
I could feel myself losing already .
And as it went deeper , I admit to losing .
Then it got complicated and it felt real
but I was reassured it wasn't a game anymore .
Game or no game , I still lost .
Lesson learnt but I have absolutely
no regrets , just love :)
Always expect the unexpected and
always get to know one person's real
personality before denying you'll
ever have feelings for them .

Bottom line for me , admitting to lose
won't mean I lost for sure but atleast
I learnt to love again even for just
a little while :) Everythings changed
and it works differently now but I guess
everything happens for a reason :)

Blessings xoxo

If I said I'm gonna leave , that's the only time you want me

2011-11-15T12:37:00.003-08:00

Idk

2011-11-15T12:27:00.000-08:00

Hello . It's been a long taime ~
I don't know who still reads my blog anymore zzz .
Reason why I neglected my blog is cos my laptop's busted .
Right now I'm blogging using my itouch . Fucked .
How am I ? If I say I'm not doing good pon nothing can
be done , so , I'm good .

Hope you guys are alright tho .
God blezz yea :)
Life has been confusing , and everyone
seems to care less now cos nobody has time
to listen to anyone else's heartaches
when they themselves don't even know how
to settle theirs . We're all helpless.
But I'm trying not to focus on what's not
there . Sometimes I'm amazed I'm still alive
cos I've been through some really painful shit .
But relax je , my time will come :)
I don't find the need to let out my sorrows
to anyone anymore cos all that tak penting .
Life has to move on . Always reminding
myself that God won't give me something I
cannot handle . So right now I'm living life
each day at a time .
Sometimes I feel like I don't wanna know
what you're going through cos bitch I got
my own shit to think about unless you're willing
to hear my long ass rants in return .
But that wouldn't be nice .
My friends , I'll try and help whenever I can :)
But If possible , I dont wanna get involved in
anyone's drama . I don't want anyone new in my life ,
and stay the fuck away from me .
Anybody else wanna leave , leave .
Whoever I'm left with I'll be fine with just that .
I'll be there when you need me but after that I chiao .
Settleeeeee~

It's 16 nov now , 4.30am .

2011-10-07T09:41:00.001-07:00

the sweetest newest joint from Meth !

2011-10-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

I LOVE the front cover picture of this movie .

im gonna watch it even if it means going to the cinema alone !

one month wont be easy but i'll pull through

2011-10-06T19:58:00.000-07:00

hello , today is the 7th of October on a friday .
and its 10.30am now . supposed to be at work
but when i was getting ready i realized i wasnt exactly
in my right minds to be at work .
i cant concentrate and my mind is all over the place .
im thinking and then i smile to myself and then i cry
and then i stop and then i get pissed and it goes on a cycle.
i dont know , maybe its just PMS cos im having my period now.
haha . so right now , all im gonna do is lock myself in the room
close the windows , the curtains and turn the music volume up
loud enough to block my thoughts . gonna get out
of the room only if im hungry or need to pee :) haha .
i certainly dont feel like doing anything today ,
dont want any disturbs so i put my phone away from me .
its just me , music and my messed up self in my dark red room .
God blezz yall . have a good day today !

2011-10-06T18:11:00.000-07:00

momokkkkk O.O hahahahahahaha !

Layla's fanatic face when she saw a bird out the window

2011-10-06T18:06:00.000-07:00

wake me up , wake me up

when all is done

i wont rise until this battle's won

Will he ? Will he still remember me ?
Will he still love even when he's free ?

:)

2011-10-06T16:21:00.001-07:00

Chris Brown - I Wanna Be

The last number you call late at night
The first one that you dial when you open your eyes.

you'll always be someone to me

2011-10-06T16:06:00.000-07:00

6th Oct 2011 is a day that i'll never forget :)
i just wished we had atleast captured one picture to keep .
i dont know whats gonna happen next
but whatever it'll be , i treasure every single thing we had .
thankyou ... :)

I WANNA WATCH ' ONE DAY ' with my gfs and cry
with them in the cinema PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE !
its a sweet movie with ANNE HATHAWAY in it ! :(

2011-10-04T21:13:00.000-07:00

saddest part is i have to force myself and pretend

i hate you when i actually really love you .

hardest part was to be someone im not and

make you hate me .

i dont know where im going myself .

2011-10-04T10:13:00.000-07:00

hello :)

im currently working for my attachments at

Amore Woodland's civic center as a personal trainer and

a floor trainer .

So far , it has been okay la .

but as we girls know , its a little difficult to get along

with other girls at times . and working in an ALL girl's gym

makes it harder for me . the awkwardness .

but so far , im tryna learn everything i can

and be at my best :)

my working schedule could be changed every week but

my off dayz would be thursday usually .

i pray that ill learn easily and finish this attachment well :)

2011-10-03T17:55:00.000-07:00

"Friends with Benefits" is about two friends who

finds out that getting physical DOES lead to complications

2011-10-02T17:35:00.000-07:00

so heres what happened to me briefly .

18th on a sunday at 1pm went to ite cck for an event .

main purpose was to meet Fate and Double Dee .

Chillout till night with some friends which i shall not mention who .

left ite cck at 8 and was accompanied halfway out by a friend .

my friend went back in to school cos got camp and i

walked my way to teck whye lrt .

i fainted , woke up in the hospital and got to NUH .

in hospital fainted another 5 times and had 3 seizures .

hp batt was totally flat and i couldnt contact my mum

neither do i remember anyone's no.

told doctor to inform my mum via police to my doorstep

but they said it'd be weird (wtf)

so i stayed there for 3 dayz without anyone knowing .

God knows how fuckin lonely i got .

suddenly dnoe how i remembered my classmate's no.

through her , she got through my mum and mum came crying .

thought i could go home but doc told me to stay till 26th.

wanted to ciao with needle in my hand but mum wouldnt let me .

lovely people visited me through the dayz .

2nd last day i had another test done no me .

on that test something happened and my heartbeat

stopped for 20 secs . nurse said i died for awhile lol .

bottomline is , theres something wrong with my heart

and i have to go for a cardiac therapy .

total hospital bill was $4000++

lazy wanna go into details about what happened during my stay .

i'll only tell when im asked :)

although doc said it could happen to me again anytime ,

i thank God that its not too serious .

and i wanna apologize to the ones who were worried

sick and went all the way to search for me

when yall thought i was missing . thankyou so v much .

Thankyou to the ones who gave me well wishes

for my recovery and the ones who called me

at night just to accompany me before i sleep .

a couple of yall who said

" just text or call me anytime if you're bored in the hospital "

even if it means in the middle of the night .

all of you were very sweet .

the thoughtful presents and lastly thankyou to

My brother , my mum , Sherry , nad , falisha ,

Double Dee , Zym , Predicx .

my classmates ; Shahirah , Farhan , Jumali ,

Ridzwan , Hakim , Acul ,

Siti , Marsh , Syasya , Dzul , haziq , Afiq ,

Nadirah Lil Nutz , Hanz , Nadhari and his 2 friends

and Feekee for visiting me !

Those short visits meant the world to me .

i appreciated it so very much . God blezz yall .

xoxo

" i wish i could die and see who'd care for me "

in my case , i need not go through all that to know

who'd give a damn about me because i already know

i have good friends who honestly care and

was there for me :')

sendin my love back and bless to all of you .

sentosaaaaaaa with galpren :D

2011-09-17T11:29:00.000-07:00

pictures are not in order

2011-09-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

that's sophia the chinese girl in kebaya ;)

2011-09-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

i keep seeing things i dont wish to see .

things that could break your heart .

2011-09-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

today was nice :)
had a simple short jalan raya with my girls .
Although ika couldnt come :(
so there were no 5 of us rayaing together this year .
But Sophia decided to join us and she wore a kebaya
which looked really nice on her :)
didnt went to alot of houses as we only wanted to
go jalan jalan for fun . and we went to
mr Remy's house , ira's single module lecturer
which he recognises us because he likes to
see the 5 of us hahahahaahah .
he has nothing to do with the 4 of us
except for ira cos she's his student
but he seems to know all of our names
cos he knows us from facebook .
But he's a veryyyyy cute and nice guy .
harmless la . and not forgettin his house !
urgh so nice still wished i live there hehe .
so yea nothing more to say la .
pictures are mostly with sherry syg .
waiting for her to upload .
Bye ! xx

Cheated Hearts

2011-09-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

Cheated by
The opposite of love
Held on high
From up up up above
Kept my high
From the second one
Kept my eye
On the first one

Now take these rings
And stow them safe away
I'll wear them on
Another rainy day
Take these rings
And stow them safe away
I'll wear them on
Another rainy day

Take these rings
And stow them safe away
I'll wear them on
Another rainy day
Take these rings
And stow them safe away
I'll wear them on
Another rainy day

Well I'm
Taka-taka-taka-taka-takin' it off
And she's
Taka-taka-taka-taka-takin' it off
And he's
Taka-taka-taka-taka-takin' it off
And we're
Taka-taka-taka-taka-takin' it off

Sometimes
I think that I'm bigger
Than the sound
I think that I'm bigger
Than the sound
I think that I'm bigger
than the sound
I think that I'm bigger
Than the sound

She'll take on high
She'll take on high-igh

Well sometimes
I think that I'm bigger
Than the sound
I think that I'm bigger
Than the sound
I think that I'm bigger
Than the sound
Well I think that I'm bigger
Than the sound

Cheated by
The opposite of love
Held on high
From up up up above
Kept my high
From the second one
Kept my eye
On the first one

Now take these rings
And stow them safe away
I'll wear them on
Another rainy day
Take these rings
And stow them safe away
I'll wear them on
Another rainy day

Now take these rings
And stow them safe away
I'll wear them on
Another rainy day
Take these rings
And stow them safe away
I'll wear them on
Another rainy day

2011-09-14T13:20:00.000-07:00

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name…
This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin
It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say...

2011-09-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

hi . i am freaking sad or angry and pissed at who ?
myself ? or a person ? i dont know . i cant say .
i am becoming more afraid to say out anything
anywhere because people tend to judge me and i
feel so cornered and insecure .
AH FUCK YOU !
i feel so trapped not being able to let my self out
and bottling up all these nonsense in me .
i could sigh to pretty much anything right now .
enough of being disappointed .
attachments , hurry so i could take my mind
off things and some people .

2011-09-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

do u kno tt i miss u ?

2011-09-14T03:50:00.000-07:00

hello , i know you're stalking me .
thats fine . but you gotta stop judging me
by what you see and what i tweet about .
you dont know me and you're stereotyping me .
that's rude . if you got a problem with yourself ,
dont drag me in .
you're the one with severely low self esteem
so dont look at me like im some kinda
up there arrogant bitch when im not .
get yourself some confidence and input
more life !

2011-09-14T02:27:00.000-07:00

I don't care if you're going to tell everyone about what i have done to you.

But please, just don't forget to tell them about what you did to me.

say hi to forever disappointed

2011-09-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

disappointments after disappointments .

how much more can i take before i give up ?

2011-09-13T03:11:00.000-07:00

i want my bro to go back to his old bboy wayz :(
where it was nothin but breaking and soulful at top rockin .
not all this sudden lyrical hiphop dance and pop lockin and kpop
gay shit all combined together :/ someone , wake him up !

thats baby rawkuz :)

2011-09-13T02:43:00.000-07:00

do me a favor , just smile .

because everything's gonna be alright .

even if its not , i wont let you go through it alone .

like i promised , i'll be there for you :)

2011-09-12T08:41:00.000-07:00

my mum says if im stuck outside at night

and i want to flag a cab , dont think the cab drivers

wanna stop for me cos i look like ghost :<

2011-09-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

life for me since ive got no more school now is boring !

either go out or stay home or yoga .

i want something to do . an activity .

like to perform or something .

trying to start back my song writting skills

but its progressing slowly .

ive got no haters , no lovers no drama no nothing haha .

been trying to get to H.Alsagoff but i

think he sombong already :(

i reallllllly need to get to him somehow .

i wanna go bali . or krabi or phuket .

i want to performmmmmm !

what am i gonna do till i start my attachments on

the 3rd october ?? start working full time already

cannot enjoy . cannot meet my friends cannot meet you .

cannot this cannot that .

hehe but okay la work to get own money can alr.

anyways , i miss a bunch of people .

you know who you people are ! ;)

God blezz you .

and i hope my dad is somewhere out there

thinking of his princess here :(

2011-09-12T05:05:00.000-07:00

i hate kpo people .
be it the ones who likes talking about people or
the ones who loves to stick their noses into other's
business . if you think you can gossip to me ,
know that i dont give a fuck about the people you tell me about .
it just makes you look so down there when you go on and on .
people have their own problems and as long as it doesnt involve
you , stay the fuck out before you're literally involved .
and dont always look at other people's flaws like
you dont have any .
no one's perfect and that's our own fuckin problem .
stay on your own ground and be happyyyyyyyyy :D

2011-09-12T04:43:00.000-07:00

but theres a side to you that i never knew never knew

all the things you say they were never true never true

and the games you play you would always win always win

2011-09-12T04:30:00.000-07:00

hello .
yet again i havent been blogging frequently cos i barely have time .

but now , ive got every time in the whole world because im done with school !

ive literally finished school . sad part is that i dont get to meet the people i wanna meet .

good part is that i dont have to wake up early anymore :)

and thank god my attachments are all settled .
supposed to be at Tampines Amore which would take me forever
to travel there but now its changed to Woodlands Amore at Civic Center .
Easier for me and i can meet my girls :)

raya has been okay la nothing special .
still have yet to go out with the girls .

next thing im looking forward to it my Class chalet happening

on the 20 21 22 . i swear to God if any of them were to get mad drunk

and destroy the day , i'll beat them up , strip them down leave them naked

and go home hahhaah . hmm other than that nothing much la now .

dont know what to type already .
sooo till then have a good week everyone .

peace . <3

SELAMAT HARI RAYA .

2011-08-29T06:16:00.000-07:00

(last year's pic)

Selamat Menyambut Eid Mubarak To all
My Muslim Loved Ones All around the world .
I had my ups and downs with the ones
closest to my heart during the Fasting Month
but i hope all is forgiven and never to bring up matters ever again .
This is cliche but i would like to take this opportunity
to seek forgiveness for the mistakes i intentionally
or unintentionally did . may God always bless all of you and
may we meet this fruitful month again in the years to come
Amin Insyallah . Lets all be happy and enjoy the food ! :D
and cuci mata look at all the handsome boys :P
and look as pretty and sit down sopan sopan and wait for the boys to
ask for your number HAHA joking la bye .

2011-08-29T02:04:00.000-07:00

i'll stay cos i love you , but i hate that i stayed .

you know i wont go that's why you treat me this way .

i wanna be happy but it hurts me so bad .

dont know what it is that keeps me coming back

keep going in circles , circles .

round and round

and why you doin me so wrong

i just keep holding you down .

I WANNA SING !

but i lost my voice :(

all the nice nice raya songs on tv and radio

but i cant sing along ! so boring !

got abit of voice la but i sound like a broken radio :(

high pitch part all cannot .

i sound like squirrel kena pijak !

2011-08-29T01:04:00.000-07:00

When you become too close with someone , you'll become fragile .

Every words they say , every action they do will have a big impact on you .

They can make you love them and be mad at them in a second .

So just be careful of how you take care

of each other's feelings .

Last Iftar With Fitness Training Classmates . Pictures Not in Order .

2011-08-29T00:40:00.000-07:00

only 3 girls went :( the rest were busy

allout ! lol

bumped into previous FT seniors Syafiq Boncet and Farhan Mazlan and Bott

who isnt in the picture . they were with their Sports Management classmates .

i swear to god i had no idea this white man

was behind us until i looked at the pictures lol !

So these were the pics ! Classmates and i went to Lau Pa Sat to eat !
was contemplating at first but then i thought this might be the last meetup so
just go la . But before that i went to a job interview at Commonwealth ,
Amore Gym's headquarter . I hope i get the job !
I'll be the Floor Trainer as for starters .
Ohya then while eating we bumped into my previous seniors and a
hmmm "good" friend Farhan Mazlan lol . they were iftar-ing with their
SM classmates too . The food was .. okay la rather satisfying but expensive !
i forked out 30 bucks ! Afterwhich , we went to bugis
and sheesha-ed for awhile and played games and i was forfeited .
i had to SING in a room full of STRANGERS ahahhaha !
it was soo fun ! talked to classmates and learnt more about each other .
All in All i had the best of times with them :)
Went home at 11 plus , reached home at 12 plus and then went out
again with Hanz for sahur at Bukit Timah's Al Azhar .
Then drove to Jurong West's Macdonald and then home .
oh and if you wondering what happened to my hair ,
i cut it again ! shorter :P cut it myself and im happy with it now .

sheeq in happyland

2011-08-24T08:53:00.000-07:00

This is what i doodled while i was bored at home .
i was starring in the blank and i thought if i had my own world
id make it the happiest place in the universe !
i would be the happy bunny holding a butterfly net .
there would be a smiling sun and rainbows and pretty moon and dancing
stars and a friendly alien and trees with apples that could sing ,
turtles that could talk and everything nice .
everything and everyone in my world would be happy and had smiles
on their faces that will never wear off .
everyone and everything would love each other but not
that kinda love where you get hurt and there would be no such
thing as having sex but instead its making love .
anything in the real world that hurts or confuses
you wouldnt exist in my world . easy right !
mixed emotions just annoys me . so i just wanna be happy and
nothing else !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no expectations or false hopes or empty promises
cos in my world you will forever know you'll be happy .
ofcourse , this would only exist when you smoke up :)

2011-08-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

hello :)

i havent blogged in such a long time !

there are many reasons to why i didnt update .

busy with school assignments , internet connection problem ,

and i couldnt find something to really blog about .

so far , only alot of empty nothings happened and a few

precious moments with my girls .

the things that has been happenening in my life

has got no worth to be blogged about .

and im glad i didnt record it down

cos i dont need to remember anything.

made through the fasting month , going to raya now and im

not really looking forward to it although i love my kebaya :)

school has been alright just trying to submit all my assignments properly

and study for my upcoming exams . and then off for attachments which

i am still looking for a place to work at .

was given amore and im going for an interview soon .

wanted Pure Yoga but they didnt seem to reply to my email .

and while at it , i wont be at school as much anymore cos most

of my time will be spent at work . partly glad that im finishing school

soon cos i'll be away from all the stress but part of me tells me

im gonna miss some people cos life wont be the same anymore .

as for me and min , the guy i cried for till i had blood swollen eyes ,

we're still not in talking terms and i guess when im really done with school

i wont be seeing him anymore . been thinking about that for awhile .

and me and my lovely girls are forever lovely :) hehe .

nothing negative to say about them cos they'll always be the apple of my eye .

family , has been good alhamdulillah . a few ups and downs but it'll be okay

in God's will . anyone im dating for now ?

nope , ive been telling guys im a lesbian to get them away from me .

i lied , yea but who cares theyre all a waste of time anyways .

im trying to keep my friendlist in facebook under 500 not because

im anti social or anything just that i dont see the point of having

so many lol . and my twitter too .

more of my classmates are creating twitter and expecting me to follow

them but i'd rather not cos i dont feel like i have privacy .

i dont need people who'd judge through reading my tweets :)

oh and i dont know if my eyes were playing tricks on me but in school ,

ive been seeing Hazel but i cant seem to grab a hold on her !

i keep seeing her but whenever i try to go to her , she disappears into the crowd .

called her name out that time but she didnt hear !

i have been finding her since the day we quit working together !

she's an awesome bitch very interesting and fun to be around with lol .

oh and she's very useful in times of .. lets say .. dangers in life hahaha !

although she could be a very bad influence , but no harm if i know my limits ;)

im gonna hunt her down until i get her .

and theres these 3 words thats been echoing in my head eversince

someone said it to me . no its not ' I love You ' or ' I hate You ' or anything

to do with something that starts with ' I ' and ends with ' You ' .

but the 3 words had an equally strong meaning .

and when i heard it came out of his mouth , i was like .. ouch .. thanks !

the more i think of it the more it hurts and pisses me off .

but i think im happy despite whoever's bringing me down lately .

and i love my girls and my cats and my family and thats all that matters .

and now is to get done and over with

school at CCK ITE and i hope to be happier :)

stay happy people . God blezz <3

2011-07-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

I CUT BANGS !

HAHA cannot tahan .

was looking at natasha khan's pictures

and i just felt like i reaaaaally need to cut it off .

2011-07-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

dont make it hard for me please .
i dont wanna hurt you .
you better leave .

2011-07-14T06:33:00.000-07:00

OMG I CANT KEEP DOING THIS :(
im so selfish . its become a habit .
i need to chiao but like cannot only ?
HAHAHAAH cheebye ah .
macam mane eh nak retaliate .
why is it SO BLOODY EASY for some people .
tsk how ni . macam stuck sak .
and i dont wanna be toooo mean .

2011-07-14T01:00:00.000-07:00

Second chances they don't ever matter
People never change
Once a whore, you're nothing more
I'm sorry, that'll never change

And about forgiveness
We're both supposed to have exchanged
I'm sorry honey but I'm passing up
Now look this way

Well there's a million other girls
Who do it just like you
Looking as innocent as possible
To get to who

They want and what they like
It's easy if you do it right
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuseeee !

hehe

2011-07-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

HAHA i was looking through lists of
phobias and i have lots of fears

but these are my main ones hahahahahahah ! :(

Philophobia , Metathesiophobia & Phallophobia .

HAHA ya Allah , kesian nyer aku .

2011-07-13T23:34:00.000-07:00

i have developed a new phobia

which leads to a new habit

which leads to a new obsession

which leads to destruction

2011-07-13T23:33:00.000-07:00

mission accomplish with victim . no 1

got what i wanted and needed to know .

cannot stay too long or i'll get tanggled up .

now its time for me to CIAO FIRST HAHA .

no.2 please .

pai pai .

2011-07-13T23:27:00.003-07:00

hello :)

i have survived not smoking
in school for 4 days already :D
so proud of myself .
anyways not to self flatter but
im very proud of myself about
many things hahaha so very happy
with myself right now although
there are downsides of it but its
all part of it . 'it' refers to only what i know .
and ohya , after much thinking ,
ive decided to perform for school .
fickle minded right , but this all depends
on adam if he dont wanna play ,
im gonna have to stranggle him till he agrees .
and come to think of it , the date of the
performance is only in a week's time .
other than that , school has been nice to me .
family has been good , getting along with
brotha and mother very well .
friends have been great .
girlfriends and bestfriends have always been awesome.
dates and love life not yet have , dowanna have also lolol .
and myself , im doing just fine :) thankyou .
chey like got anybody ask only ahahahah .

2011-07-12T07:28:00.000-07:00

CAN YOU STOP INBOXING ME EVERYTIME YOU WANNA TALK TO ME
IS THERE LIKE ANYTHING TO HIDE ? SUME NAK INBOX , FACEBOOK
DA INBOX , KAT TWITTER PON NAK INBOX . BODOH RIMAS SAK AKU .
APE , SAHAM JATUH PER SIA BERBUAL DENGAN AKU .
KALAU TAKOT SAHAM JATOH JANGAN BERBUAL AH SIAL .
IF PERSONAL THINGS CAN LA INBOX , THIS ONE NONSENSE ALL
WANNA INBOX LECEH KAN CB . guys are just so pathetic man ..

2011-07-09T03:47:00.000-07:00

i would like to thank my girls for being there

for me at times of my lowest .

felt worst than a crap and they were there

to lend me a listening ear :')

first , went to meet horse boy after

he finish work . met at town but we didnt

stay too long cos he had to be at stereolab

cos he was either spinning there or he was

invited , i dont know la haha .

afterwhich , parted (sp ? ) with him and went

to woodlands to meet Nad and Sherry .

sadly galpren and Ika couldnt come .

Me and Nad slept over at Sherry's and i could swear

to anyone i felt SO MUCH better .

i even told them i was happy that night .

my eyes were still puffy but ice packs helped .

was happy that Nad decided to sleep over too

although she had work the next day .

love you girls to bits and pieces i can never

bring any others to match the way we've always been :)

its like , i dont have to be like them to be accepted

and they too dont ever need to act in a certain way

for me to love being around them . its perfect .

thankyou girls i love all 4 of you so very much .

and today i was supposed to join Marsh

for her gf's birthday party at azzura .

and coincidentally , horseboy was invited

to spin for their event too .

he wanted me to come along so bad but i couldnt

cos i had something on with the percussionist group

at helipad . i so wish i was there damnit .

but heck , happy birthday to Marsh's friend tho :)

and yea , today was a busy and productive day

and i foresee this coming week is gonna be

busier because i was invited to perform for

and event at a school and i have to attend pracs and meetings.

and whatmore with school restarting :(

k thats all bye .

2011-07-08T03:18:00.000-07:00

thank God for ice packs . my eyes look way better now .
im gonna get ready to have dinner with horseboy
after his done with work . then meet my girls .
im sleeping over at sherry's tonight because
i dont wanna sleep alone .
anyways the other day i went to sentosa alone :>
its been such a long ass time .
but i got bored very quickly .
though i was perfectly tanned tho not too roasted .
and the bikini i was wearing was self made hehe .

2011-07-08T01:10:00.001-07:00

this keeps me calm for now .

2011-07-08T00:18:00.000-07:00

yea that was how bad i cried yesterday night .

even my mum nearly teared looking at the state

i was in . my mum sees me happiest when im around

him . and no its not that kinda feelings i have with him .

its the friendship i treasure . failure in friendship

hurts more than failure in stupid relationships .

a simple thing i asked him to do and he betrayed me .

lies ...

so we fought and he still wouldnt let his guards down

letting his stupid egos surface himself .

he'd rather lie than saving the friendship .

well okay then .

and he could still take it like it was joke .

i guess min , everything IS a bloody joke to you .

its clear that you dont know how to appreciate good

people in your life . yes , not even your girlfriend .

shame on you .

everything ends here ...

Sometimes, God removes a person from

your life for your protection.

For a REASON. Never run after them.

2011-07-05T07:34:00.001-07:00

victim nÖ 1

2011-07-05T06:45:00.000-07:00

tried to do the tongue in cheek face but failed lol

this is Horseboy .

had an impromptu meet up

and chilled at SMU lol .

and we watched (no actually only i watched)

this movie called Super High on his lappy .

didnt watch it finish tho .

took pictures , and in the end we ate green nasi lemak

at tiong bahru .

2011-07-03T08:23:00.000-07:00

today was Beard Guy's Birthday and he wanted me
to sing him a Happy birthday song , marilyn monroe's style
hahahahah so i sang to him on facebook , tho i dont sound
nothing like marilyn monroe -.- ahahahahah .
but yea , Happy Birthday To the Sexy Beard Man
whom i can no longer call him Beard Man no more
cos he shaved his beard 2 days ago -.-

oh and horse boy ...
he was admitted to the hospital cos
guess what ...
HE GOT KICKED BY A HORSE AT HIS WORKPLACE
so hard that he blacked out and ambulance
had to rush him to the hospital LOL .
when he told me i couldnt help but bloody laugh !
hope he'll have a speedy recovery ~
epic sia the accident -.-

sometimes , im lazy so i know this is post is messy but i dont care .

2011-07-01T00:53:00.000-07:00

sometimes i hate you
but thats your fault cos
you give me stupid reasons to hate you.
and i want you to know that there are those
little things i found out about you and that makes
me hate you more .
sometimes i feel like being mean and cheat
your feelings and use you just because i feel
like you're doing the same to me and revenge was all i ever wanted ,
though i have never said things to you if i dont really mean it .
i dont know about you though , who knows you say things just
because it sounds better ?
sometimes i just wanna ignore and leave you forever
which explains why i dont text you for a long time sometimes .
sometimes i think , you're the reason why i think all men are the same .
sometimes i dont even know why i like you because youre not even my type
and i dont even usually go for guys like you ..
sometimes i get really jealous when i see other girls talking to you .
sometimes i really miss you but go back to ignoring you when
i think that its impossible that you genuinely miss me .
sometimes when im with you , i feel like i love you
but i feel like it cant be love because its too soon to tell .
who knows im just drawn to you like plain ol infactuation ?
sometimes even if i really think that i love you , i cant see myself being with you .
besides anyone would know its impossible . you and i ? omg :/
sometimes i dont understand what we are or where i stand in your life .
sometimes i think you're an ass because you think you can get any
girls you want so you go around trying your luck .
sometimes i really dont believe you because the things you say to me
might be said to a million other girls too because if its only said to me ,
then i mustve mean something to you , but i dont think i do ..
why would i right ? or maybe i took your words abit too seriously ..
and sometimes i think im just over thinking
when you're not thinking at all .
but most of the time , i get tired of thinking and i might
just leave you for good one day ..
i dont like being all confused .
you are the reason why im confused .
what is it about you that makes me have all this feelings ?
i might be talking to a few others but its you thats conquering my mind .
and you dont even care -.-
why am i wasting my time on people like you ..
and if you happen to read this you might think
that this isnt for you because for all you know i might be talkin
about some other guy . it COULD be horse boy , beard man , M ,
guitarist or any possible guy that you might not even know off lol
but its you , bitch ..

2011-07-01T00:00:00.001-07:00

Get the Digital Copy of

FindYourBestThat'sYourHighness

at www.xsone.bandcamp.com now! SGD12.

2011-06-30T23:57:00.001-07:00

earlier on at like 4 am i went down to mac .

there was this 2 dudes one with an afro

and another one with blue streaks on his hair .

one was malay and another one i guess
like those mixed both were good looking though lol .

yea , was passing by mac and afro said "hello"

i ignored cos i was talking on the phone .

then bought my big breakfast , got out of mac and the

guy with the blue hair came to me and said

" excuse me hi im sorry for my bad manners
but my friend here is interested in you "
( it thought he wanted to ask the time )

and i was like , dude its 4 in the morning , im in

my pink ballerina pyjamas buying early breakfast and all i did

was walk pass you and you're saying you're interested in me ?

hahahah wow how weird can guys be ? i was still on the phone

but i said " no im sorry " ( thinking of killing myself already )

then he asked
" uhm why , do you have like , a boyfriend already ? "

and i was like " :/ yeaa " ( somebody shoot me )

and he said " aww alright miss get home safely enjoy your breakfast

okay goodnight oh i mean goodmorning :) "

people , observe the way he talks ~

boys with good manners and good english haaaaaaaih

i mean COME ON . i have a boyfriend ?! since when ?

why does my natural reflexes have to say that i have a bf ?

hahahahha these kinda good looking people dont

comeby easy in my hood you know . im just saying .

i mean , im not desperate .. its just that i get REALLY lonely

in ang mo kio and i could use a friend LOL

because for 4 years ive been living here ,

there are absolutely no one i could relate to .

people here are either malay hood rats , senior citizens or drunk indians .

afro guy and blue hair guy were aliens for them to even

be seen anywhere near my house lol .

i need someone to chill with around my area at times

when i cant sleep . everyone in woodlands or jurong or those

kinda cool places have friends where they can call each other and say

" eh mau lepak per " " sembarangs " " kk turon skarang ah sial "

hahahahahhaha you feel me ?

and here i am , i just lost an opportunity of having lepak friends LOL .

HAHAHAHAH i find it so funny that im telling the whole world

( or atleast anyone who reads my blog ) this .

was on the phone with mary and she too couldnt

figure out why i said i had a boyfriend .

its okay la , gonna look at it in a positive way .

who knows God doesnt want me to be friends with

them cos they no good or something ?

i said who knows la kan ...

2011-06-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

dear
beard man ,
when i think of you ,
i think of good quality coffee ,
breakfast in bed , books , clumsy awkward sex ,
the color brown , old classic movies ,
muffins , ciggarettes , maple syrup , paintings ,
the smell of pancakes , sipping tea ,
museums , and an old leather wallet .
i dont know why .
can somebody explain to me why
my brain works this way ..

2011-06-29T05:57:00.000-07:00

i have been having trouble sleeping
these days . id usually go to my living room ,
lie down motionlessly on the carpet and stare at the ceiling .
all the way from 11 to at most 5 then i'll fall asleep .
i make myself hot tea and sip it slowly like those
ladies on tv .
speaking of tv , i have not switched on tv by myself
for God knows how long already .
if i have a home of my own , i wouldnt buy a tv set .
i dont need it .
anyways , galpren has first day of school in NAFA later tonight :)
i wish her all the best and make good friends only yea
but dont make too many friends .
its not good .
and dont be late for classes !
love you koko crunch .

everyday , i am praying so hard
that rawkuz would talk back to me one day .
anyways , i sleep weird these days .
the other time when i was sleeping i had
a dream but i couldnt remember .
all i know i was allout crying in that dream
and when i woke up i felt like i was crying too
and then i realized i was weeping and tears came out
hahah but i had no reason why .
and then another time , i dreamt of a funny dream .
was running around and laughing so hard and i realized
i was half awake and laughing and i continued sleeping
hahahaha why is this happening ? :O
Oh ! and just as ai was napping earlier ,
i dreamt of my dad and in that dream i cried .
i cried till i woke myself up and realized i was
crying in real life again . and i felt so sad ..

bye Much Love , the Moon Goddess

chey no la :( i wish im the moon

since im up at late hours everytime .

2011-06-29T05:55:00.000-07:00

someone invited me to tag along to stereolab this
friday because his friend is spinning
but i cant go :( ive got plans .
and ive got a new friend who works
with horses everyday . how lovely ..
and my brother's hair is not blue
anymore .. its kinda pinkish now -.-
and ive not been really smoking
for quite a few days besides the fact
that i took a few puffs during recording night.
but i realised i keep craving for coffee
and i dont even drink coffee .
i didnt drink it cos mum wont let me
drink coffee and i get hungry instead .
like crazy hungry . and im still so very sick .
been having fever for more than a week now
that i fainted the other night .
told my mum how hard this is for me
to suddenly quit and she told me to not give up
because im already going through it halfway
might aswell go all the way .
she got a point but everytime i feel angry
or bored or emotional i feel like smoking .
im at home most of my time , away from
people smoking but im afraid if im out
with my friends who smoke especially classmates
i'd start again . they didnt have faith in me
for trying to quit the first time and i doubt
they will the 2nd time .
even i dont have faith in myself for quitting haha .
rafee told me it takes 6 tries for one to finally quit .
bare in mind , im only at the 2nd try . fml lol .

2011-06-29T05:46:00.001-07:00

i know this is random but she's gooooood ~

2011-06-28T07:36:00.000-07:00

It's not that deep, take it easy
You wanna please me? Got a long way 2 go
I'ma bad girl, you wanna get close?
Ease up 'cause you got a long way

If you really wanna know me first of all
You should never try to get too personal
'Cause I'm in it when I say
That you got a long way 2 go

You claim that you're so hot
And you say you got skills in the bedroom
You try to flirt when you're so not
Had a chance you still never come through

2011-06-28T02:16:00.000-07:00

im refraining every one of my muscles
from picking up his calls ..
what else does he want from me ..

2011-06-28T02:14:00.000-07:00

hello .

ive realised that everytime im going
through a downfall God replaces it with
something better so that i dont completely
lose myself . took my heartache out on twitter
and on this very blog and i didnt know
i have so many that cared for me .
some just dont , they ask why but they
dont really wanna know so i told myself
not to explain . i didnt explain the real
reason why to some though because my mind
was too tired i didnt wanna talk about it .
but thankyou for wanting to have my back :)
God bless yall .
i am happy for now because good things
and good people have been entering my life
productively . like , eventhough i couldnt get
to perform with guitarist at school and God knew
how badly i wanted it but He gave me other good
things to focus on . Infact its twice better .
Praise God to that :)
Cant really mention what but the thought
of it excites me and scares me at the same time .
im glad , but i need more time to think ..

Anyways theres this guy with a ryan gosling facial hair
im communicating with on facebook .
he's weird but he has charms .
im not interested in him ..
i just find him charmingly interesting .
we're not friends in fb but we're inboxing
each other LOL weird huh .
mustve been his beard .
lets see where this leads us too
for the fun of ridiculous self entertainment .
he kinda reminds me of ryan gosling
from The Notebook when he grew his beard .
he has a name but i prefer to call him beard man .

2011-06-27T03:41:00.000-07:00

This Is my cover of Cee Lo Green's Forget You !
since aku tak jadi perform at school with this song ( _l_ )
so i decided to go crazy at home with it hehe .
and rawkus wanted to join in the fun when i was bouncing on ze bed.
FORGET YOU AH SIA ! you no use ! chey ^^

2011-06-26T05:43:00.000-07:00

in my contacts , i have " Dont pick up ! "
and " Dont pick this up either ! "
BUT I FORGOT WHO HAHA !
omg im so mean :( i cant remember who .
but just incase those 2 no. calls me one day
i wont risk it by picking it up .
lol its like that for a good reason i think
im still wondering who hahahahahah .
so yall try ah call me see if i pick up not
HAHA if not then it should be you ah .

anyways , Galpren you still havent
tell me why that Dont Forget About Us song
by Mariah Carey is for meeeeeeee !
i still dont get it :/

and im still tryna get over the fact that
im not performing .
IT SUCKS BALLS BITCH .
everytime i think about not being able
to perform it makes me have small
sudden panic attacks and when i have
those attacks while im eating i feel like puking .
like that time i eat charkuey sia half way cb .
LOL dramatic right , but its true .
i wanted it so bad cos its my bloody last
year of school and i cant perform .
fuck you . no not you .
just saying fuck you for the sake of it .
bye .
much love , Sheeq .

2011-06-25T03:47:00.001-07:00

my heart is aching like never before .

k da tak sangat la kan .
told you i have bloody split personalities .
one minute im rubbish , the next i shine .
chey haha k da bye .

back to square one :'(

2011-06-25T00:55:00.000-07:00

yall dont have to actually read this shit . i just needed to type it out somehow . at 3am in the morning yesterday i was up thinkin and something hit me .. this is the reason why i hate thinking .

everything blurry appears so clear all of a sudden .. feel me in this . earlier this year , i was dating a guy . was happy and all . but we fought and things grew apart . and after awhile suddenly another guy came in . got to know each other and we could click and shit . and just when i was on the verge of liking him he told me he has a girlfriend . and i was still okay with it cos i hadnt fall for him yet but i knew where my limit was . he kept wanting to go out with me and i kept telling him that he's gonna have to bring his gf along cos i dont wanna be a relationship wrecker . and he said we're only friends . no harm .. he told me he found me interesting when he first saw me in school . and i usually dont go for guys who alr has a gf . but this guy .. i dont know what was wrong with me . i thought well , maybe being just friends with him wouldnt go wrong . but thing is , he told me over the phone that he was attracted to me . and i was like no this is wrong .. but like i said i didnt know wassup with me and one day the guy i was dating with wasnt treating me right and the other guy had asked me out along with his other friends . i hesitated at first but then i agreed . and so i was out with him and his friends . in the end , all his friends decided to go home but we both decided to stay out until the next morning we didnt do anything but talk and sat in the rain . and i guess somewhere in between we fell for each other .

i knew things would be so messy . we'd talk to each other on the phone and i sing to him and he used to tell me he fell inlove with my voice . and there was one time i asked him if he loved his gf and he said

ofcourse he do . and i respected that . but i knew i was being a bitch by continueing this thing we had for each other never have i ever in my life fall for someone whos already in a relationship of 2 years plus . i guess this guy was really good at what he did . and i actually was happy to be around him . i was always myself when im around him . until one time , he had to ruin it . things became too personal when he kissed me and held

my hands and from then onwards i knew i couldnt let go of him because my feelings were too attached to him

why did he had to kiss me , was cos according to him he really liked me . and when he kissed me i actually teared because i couldnt believe what was happening . i acted cool and what my actual plan was , was to leave him and start replying to his msgs late and shit . but i didnt understand why i couldnt do that for long .

i was confused . asked him why did he kissed me when he already has a gf so where did i stand in his life ?

a few days later i noticed he wasnt texting me as frequent . and i was like , what , you kissed me and thats it , youre gone ? then he finally texted me saying its not that he didnt wanna contact me its just that his gf found out and things got messy between them and then he said goodbye . God knows how painful it was when i got that text in the middle of the night and i couldnt stop crying . knowing it was half my fault for being stupid for falling for someone who has a gf made it worst . i was out of my usual self and i hated myself for that .

my mind was disturbed for a few days . i hated going to school cos i had to face both of the guys i had something on with and i couldnt do anything about it . and there i was all torn apart and the guy with the gf didnt even do anything about it . so one day i couldnt hold it any longer i called him up and told him i needed to talk to him i told him frankly i felt so hung over that things just ended there .. i was cycling alone at that moment and i stopped for awhile when i called him . hearing his voice after so long made me feel so emotional and plus he agreed on meeting me to talk things out and he apologized and i could tell how sorry his voice was but i apologized to him because it was cos of me , he and his gf fought . so the minute he put down the phone i cried like there was no other way and that was like at midnight outside in the roads with my bicycle .

i was so hurt i cycled so fast while crying up till i reached the highway and cycled back home .

my eyes were so tired i was a mess . at school when i see him i couldnt do anything but just act normal .

then one day he was alone going home from school and i was alone going to school and it was raining and we stood there talking in the rain and he asked me when should we talk ? and i said maybe tomorrow so he agreed . the next day , i thought we were gonna meet . texted him and waited for him to finish his class when infact he left for class earlier and slept at home instead . and he texted me he thought i had something on so thats why he went home first . i told him i was waiting for him in school . again , i was hurt . he called me i didnt pickup . he texted me i replied like i didnt mean it . so we never really did have that talk .

then after awhile , his friends coincidentally start to add me up in facebook one by one . and one of his close friend happened to wanna get to know me and all . and i told him that his friend this and that .

and he was actually okay with it . that got me pissed i mean i know i was overeacting but he shouldnt be okay with it ! why was he okay with his friend actually wanting to get to know me .

and when i found out that his friend told me he gave him the green light and actually say " you should get to know her deeper " i was furious . by then my mind was all over the place . in class when one of my friend mentioned his name i immediately cried . how could he do this to me . how could he actually be okay when

im all so broken like that ? i hated him after that . then got to know he was contacting another chick and then since then i knew what he was . i started to believe he was out there just to win as many girl's heart

and he had managed to win mine . fuck that . i started to avoid him in school , when we see each other i gave him fake smiles although i was longing to talk to him . he still didnt get it .. then i slowly moved on and things

got normal again . and i was actually using someone to forget about him . im a bitch i know . but it worked

i forgot all about him i didnt even care about him until recently , he gave me a random phone call

and told me he was thinking of me . i didnt feel anything eventhough i havent heard his voice for soooo long .

i mean the feelings werent there no more . but the way we talk was like the usual way we talk .

like i said , im myself when i talk to him . then i thought to myself i needed his help for something

and he agreed . i didnt think about anything i just thought i needed his help . i told myself im not gonna fall for him again . and we agreed to meet and i brought him to a place i have always wanted to bring him back then

when we were something but didnt had the chance to . it was awkward but things were normal and we talked about,stuffs and laughed and we did what we had to do which was what i needed help for .

and then somewhere in between he brought back the past . and he did something stupid by telling me he still

had feelings for me . i kept asking him why did he fell for me last time but he kept trying to change the subject

and not answer me and he didnt realise while he was doing something , i actually let out a tear . but as he continued talking to me i acted normal . we talked and laughed somemore and i admit i was happy that evening . then he made me say out that i still had feelings for him . even when i tried denying he was sure i still had it . i wasnt thinking of him before but now he made me think of him more .. and i hate it .

i still dont understand why he had to do that . what i regret was not telling him off . i shouldve just ended the day when he started telling me he still had feelings for me , but i didnt . i was so caught up in the moment that i forgot how messed up he made me feel back then . and now when i think back again , i couldnt deny my feelings . i shouldnt have asked him for his help , i shouldnt have met him and he shouldnt have let out his feelings like that . all was perfect when things between us ended and he had to ruin things again .

yea i was happy with him , but i can be happy with him not being around me too . why cant we just be

normal friends ? so i thought , if we cant be normal or atleast pretend we dont have feelings for each other

then its best i leave him for good . because its not fair for me , he's leading me on and where

does it get me to ? no where cos he has his gf and what do i have ? so why the hell would he do that to me ?

what was he trying to prove ? he left me once and im not gonna let him do it again .

thing about me is cos of this , im afraid of letting someone into my life ever again because im afraid

of people leaving me . so before im left , i should be the first to make my move .. told him i dont need his help

anymore with a heavy heart but didnt tell him the reason why . and he just replied me " okay good :) "

he doesnt get it .. its okay .. and for that .. remember i said i was gonna perform for school ? im backin that shit out . and its final .. i dont wanna be blaming him , because i was partly at fault for going with it but just as i was about to come off strong , he had to ruin it with his feelings . you shouldnt have ..

i got over him once , and i know i can do it again its hard for me now , but before it gets harder i

better back my ass up . he's just too precious to me i cant see him leave me again .

when we first had something on i used to tell myself

that he was the last person i wanted to hate .

and God knows how much i mean that .

but i was forced to hate him once and that feeling sucked so

now i dont want to hate him for the second time .

you could see how a person who was once a stranger to me

becomes someone who means so much to me .

i dont know who would read this longass post .

but to those who actually read it , you might think

i was a bitch for having an affair with someone else's bf .

i know .. people like him usually turns me the fuck off

but i didnt know what got into me and maybe all this

is my karma :) and im willing to accept it ..

when i typed this out , it was 5am and now its 8 am

cant believe it took me 3hours to let this out .

im craving for fried fish and lauk lemak the white one lol .

bye ..

2011-06-24T08:39:00.001-07:00

EXACTLY MY POINT !

if i say im for real , then im for real .

2011-06-24T04:46:00.000-07:00

not that i dont believe you ,
not that your words arent convincing enough .
its just that i think nothing lasts forever .
so dont say those kinda things to me .
especially if you dont mean it .
keep it simple this way .
and no one gets hurt okay .
lets not make any promises
so no promises will be broken
lets not say we love each other
so that one day if we fight it wont
feel like that love was a lie the whole time .
and lastly , lets never say forever
because we all know nothing lasts forever .
whatever we feel , we feel ..
whatever doesnt work out its all good
cos we made no deal on anything .
free and easy :)
but i got your back and im down for whatever .
if i say i will , i would ..
lets just say things only if our hearts mean the real deal .

nothing lasts forever , but Wu Tang is forever !
hahahahahaahah

2011-06-24T03:29:00.001-07:00

was imagining a situation if lets say a guy
tells me he likes me and i try to tell him im not the
one for him by saying
"you need to go for someone who cares about you"
in other words , " its not me cos i dont care about you "
haha bastard sak if for real like that .
you get it anot ?
funny kan ! not funny your problem !

2011-06-24T03:28:00.001-07:00

the most confusing moment that gets to me
is when im sleepy but im hungry but also lazy .
i get very confused .
i lie down thinking whether i should sleep
or eat . but if i wanna eat , id be too lazy
to go out of bed and prepare food
and then i think somemore , by then i feel sleepier
but its just not satisfying when you sleep with an empty stomach
which means i cant sleep . so i dont know what to feel .
then after that like how ?

2011-06-24T03:20:00.001-07:00

oh look ! its Biggie with the crazzy eyes !

hahahahaahahhahaah ! :P

2011-06-24T03:19:00.000-07:00

fuck i have split personalities that even i cant fuck with .
and both of my different selfs can talk to me
at the same time , my head hurts and i dont know
which one to listen to LOL .
one has the biggest ego and wants to destroy people
another one is the kind who tells me to be mature and
go to fuck with these unworthy people and let go .
im so weird omg .

2011-06-24T02:42:00.000-07:00

yesterday night i texted a few people i was gonna sleep
and it was about 1am . i DID try to sleep okay but i couldnt.
up to 330 i was still typing stuffs away in my laptop
diary . internet was off so i had nothing to do
but just listen to songs did somemore typing ,
thinking of a few people , looking at pictures ,
talking to myself , talk to my cat , wanted to text people
but i decided not to disturb anyone so i just
layan myself until i was sleepy .
this has been going on for a couple of days cos my body
clock changed eversince i stayed out the whole night
with guitarist at amk and sleeping in the day , then stayed out the
whole night again with rauzan and the rest doing recording
then sleep in the day again so its fixed to this way for now .
and it sucks cos i dont know what to do .
anyways these days sometime i feel lazy to reply
to people's text msgs . some of them i even ignore lol sorry .
i keep telling myself i'd reply them later but end up not
replying at all . and the way i text some people nowadays
like bo layan because some people text me that way
(not that they sengaje but its just the way they text)
then i ter-follow . but not like i sengaje
wanna text you like i dont want to but its already a habit
already . if you think the way i text you is i sengaje
one sorry k but really i dont mean it that way .
im not a two faced if i dont feel like layaning your text
then i really bo layan you one i wont reply at all . if i text you back ,
means im for real lol . like for example , i lazy to type long long
already . then now my habit is typing without a fullstop .
and my laughs are now shorter like "haha" instead of my usual
"hahahahahaha" only if its really funny i use "HAHA" lol .
please okay , its not that i dont like you or anything
its just that i lazy to type . if you call also it depends on
my mood if i wanna pickup . LOL im so mean .
girlfriend is sometimes pissed off at me for not picking up too .
there you go , im not biased or choosing people whether who
to reply and who not to . my own close friends also kena
so its not you people . its just me . i have a very ugly attitude
these days i dont know why LOL . and dont think
my texts all sound sarcarstic just cos it looks sarcarstic .
like that time guitarist very good .
he texted me goodnight like the bo layan kurangajar suddenly end the text
"k lah gdnyte" without the fullstop potong steam that kind one .
then suddenly he called me and he said he scared i dont know
how his goodnight would sound like so he actually literally
said out a very meaningful goodnight HAHAHAHA .
cheebye kau kalau aku tau aku tangkap kau siang siang ahhhh !
eh but please ah dont because of this you all dowan text me already k :(
hahahahahahahahahah ! funny sia im laughing !
sorry sorry funny ah .
bye .

2011-06-23T07:52:00.000-07:00

im still sickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
my temp is 38.3 now but im so warm !
my eyes are watery my head painful .
my whole body is so heaty !
i need a hug so badly .
nevermind i squeeze rawkuz ah !
let rawkuz get my fever .
this all should be the side effects of
attempting to quit smoking .
mama is happier now and she said
"you can do it !" we'll see la eh hehe .
but quit smoking doesnt mean must quit
blazing right ? hehehehe .
besides , its less harmful !
k bye .

2011-06-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

Are you really here or am I dreaming
I can’t tell dreams from truth
For it’s been so long since I have seen you
I can hardly remember your face anymore
When I get really lonely and the distance causes only silence
I think of you smiling with pride in your eyes a lover that sighs

If you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me

Are you really sure that you believe me
When others say I lie
I wonder if you could ever despise me
When you know I really tried
To be a better one to satisfy you for you’re everything to me
And I'll do what you ask me
If you let me be free

If you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me

someone in Formspring asked me this

2011-06-23T06:34:00.000-07:00

Hey so ders this guy that really likes me but i've been talking to my friends and i found out he's been sending the same texts to me as he's sent them to my friends as well. I want to tell him something about it and shame him out. What should i say ?

so i replied : hello lovely, one of my friends was in the exact same situation

as you are in now. It was really hard for her because she liked him aswell, and then she found out he was saying the EXACT same things to other girls. In the end she knew that he wasn’t worth it because he was just playing her. From what you have told me, he doesn’t sound like the best guy if he is doing that to you. So i suggest that you meet him in person and confront him about it, say that you know that he has been texting other girls saying the exact same things and ask that if he likes you then why would he do that, basically you can say whatever you want to him to make him nervous. if he tries to change the subject or not answer you then i don’t think that he is worth it, because there are many other guys out there that will treat you right and you will find him :) OR if you really want to shame him then pull a “john tucker must die” and gang up on him.Sorry i am not the best with advicegood luck sweetie! i hope everything works out xx

2011-06-23T06:07:00.000-07:00

i had a bad dream while i was napping just now :(
in it was my ex , Imran . some of you would know .
but he was there for awhile only .
then Ariff , my K2 or kindergarten friend that handsome
ariff was in it too hahahah then suddenly
ariff was looking at someone behind me
and he said you better run . when i look behind
i saw an orange jumpsuit man walking towards me
like as if he was gonna chase me and rape me .
so i ran towards causeway point -.-
then suddenly everyone was gone and there
were more of those orange jumpsuit men
walking around looking for people to chase .
one of them saw me and i was SOO SCARED .
you know the feeling of being chased by a mad man ?!
SOO SCARY then i forced myself to wake up !
:( eeee i hate bad dreams la !
but hmm i wonder why my ex Imran was in it
for like only 1 sec in the dream . hahah .

2011-06-23T03:45:00.000-07:00

FindYourBestThatsYourHighness by

TheBrandNewFeeling production

coming reallllllllll soon !

im in it hehe so when its out , Go Get It ! :D

2011-06-23T00:19:00.000-07:00

who da fuck made you king ?
fuck off , you can suck on my non existent dick .

2011-06-22T08:14:00.000-07:00

well hellooooooooo :D

ive not been online for quite awhile

cos ive been away from home doing

my own things and plus my bro took my laptop

to do his mixing for BOTY this year .

he's joining ! :))

okay and uhm , it has only been 3 days of

holidays and im already feeling bored .

so today's Wednesday ..

last sunday , guitarist decided to meet to

practice and chillout and i suggested at

amk .. we met around 5 plus if im not wrong

and chillout till the sun went down .

but in the end we both decided to stayout

through the whole night until tomorrow morning .

hahahah ! as usual , we crapped and laughed alot

until the sun was up , sent him to the bustop and

i went for a short jog . i had fun :) was happy :)

but reached home , both were shagged as hell

and slept the whole day lol .

on tuesday , went for a recording session at cck .

thought it was only gonna be for awhile but i had

to stay over night with izaril mad rauzan mean and dilly

to finish things up . the track i did with mad

is called Goodbye and its gonna be in FYBTYH album

releasing anytime soon i think .

please check the album out cos i promise

you its sick as hell . but most importantly ,

i had so much fun doing it thankyou to the ones

who gave me the opportunity :)

2011-06-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

thanks ah _l_

stay the hell away from me .

2011-06-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

Damn , i dont know i got hooked into this song .

Its so sexy . lol .

but somehow i feel like an Ah Lian

when the song plays .

but its super .. nice ?

i dont know la how to describe it .

2011-06-18T10:28:00.001-07:00

we both know its impossible

2011-06-18T08:03:00.000-07:00

hello !
last post for today .
im gonna be at home alone
for a few days cos my mum will be out
and my bro , doubt he's coming home .
SO tonight ive cleared the house up ,
done all the stupid chores , fed the cats ,
done everything i shouldve done ..
now is to turn the music up and gulp
down some beer . i wanna get drunk
and not think then sleep and wake up
and clean the house with a hangover hehe .
i havent been worried or thinking about anything
or anyone the whole day so lets end this
night with some good self quality time ;)
Bottoms Up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and to the ones who had a terrible long day
today , i hope it'll all be better tomorrow .
have a good sexy warm bath and sleep your
tiredness away . Rest well , sweet dreamz
and God Blezz You lovely people all around the world.
GOODNIGHT ! muah !
Sheeq
<3 xoxo <3

2011-06-18T01:58:00.000-07:00

Roses are dead, violets are too, I`m still in love but not with you. You thought you hurt me, and made me cry, But now I'm in love with another guy. Simply because you have no class, All you can do, is kiss my ass. You sit around and talk your shit, So fuck you and your little ass dick. What my man is doing, you can`t do. You tell your homies you played me like a bitch, And I tell my girls you have a little dick. You said you loved me, but It wasnt true. Well guess what Motha Fucka I played you too !